Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
