Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
and you fell through a lawn chair
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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