apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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