It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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