Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
