I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's rum buckets o'clock
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
