I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
