Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
