Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
