I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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