He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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