I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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