I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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