My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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