I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
