I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
