During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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