My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
