It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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