I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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