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We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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