Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
