My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
