i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
