so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
