New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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