tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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