Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
