I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
