Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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