I wanna bring you to show and tell
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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