i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
