I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
