Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
