why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
