she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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