textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
