she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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