how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
