shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
