im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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