When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
