Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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