I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
