Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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