Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
