So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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