Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think i have two assholes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
