She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
