and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
