i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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