the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize