dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
