I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
