Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
