i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
