I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
