a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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