I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
