I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
