She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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