Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize