So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i think im in europe. pls send help
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
