You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
