I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
